Then He said, “You were always meant to be a mother.”
I don’t think I had ever cried so much in my life. It had been weeks and not a day had gone by without swollen eyelids and red blotches covering my face. The tears did not cease and neither did the racing thoughts. My mind was plagued with an invasive growth of negativity.
The validity of my maternal capabilities was at stake, to me anyway. The battle raging in my head was not a mere “capture the flag.” It was a bloody fight trying to strip me of every last ounce of joy. The enemy fought hard to make me think I was defective – that it was a mistake to become a mom.
Who has a baby and then goes through something like I did?
How can I feel this way? And now of all times.
What is wrong with me?
One evening, my thoughts spilled out like a tipped over glass of milk. The tears flowed, hitting the floor -- leaving a misshapen puddle of chaos resembling the state of my life. Hunched over and shaking, I muttered the words, “I don’t think I was ever supposed to become a mother.”
The truth is I believed those words as I spoke them out loud, even though I felt undeniable and overwhelming love for my son. Moms don’t feel like this. Moms don’t need to stay in a mental hospital. Moms are the caretakers, not the burdens. Drowning in determination to highlight the mistake of my new role, he softly said:
You were always meant to be a mother.
Pausing, I recalculated the words in my mind. He could have said, “You are a good mother” or a simple, “Yes you were.” But instead the sentence was set in stone by adding the word “always”, confirming the grand plan of a Father who makes no mistakes.
Our God doesn’t make mistakes. He didn’t make a mistake when He made me a mom. And He didn’t make a mistake when He made you a mom. No matter how defeated you may feel at times, remember you were always meant to be a mother.
No matter how many mistakes you may make, remember you cannot mess up His plan for your life.
Time to time, I reiterate those exact words to myself as a reminder and to step in confidence of the God given life always meant for me.
You were always meant to be a mother.
You are the best option for your kids.
You are irreplaceable.
