“Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.’” —Psalm 77:10-12, NIV
A few years ago, my husband and I decided our family was complete after the birth of our second son. We were blessed to welcome two healthy baby boys into this world, and we felt that was perfect for us, especially given my medical condition. For a couple of years, I was completely content with our decision. Then something inside of me ached for a baby girl.
The longing for a daughter began to consume my thoughts, so I prayed for God to bless us with a baby girl or take this desire from me. I wrote “daughter” in my prayer journal for over a year not quite sure if I really wanted a “yes” or a “no” answer. I could no longer become pregnant, so I prayed for a stork scenario.
One fateful day, we found ourselves waiting in the airport with equal parts nervous anticipation, relief, and excitement. The glass door leading into the terminal area slid open, and we breathed a sigh of relief as paramedics attended to my brother on the medical stretcher. Right by his side was a beautiful girl with long dark hair who had just stepped foot on American soil for the first time after a two-day journey from the Philippines.
Fast forward six months later, after extensive care for my brother, who had suffered multiple strokes abroad, we said our “goodbyes.” God had answered several prayers that day in hard ways. One of those answers was a “yes” to the daughter I had prayed about for a long time. Of course, that “yes” came at the cost of losing a brother. It came with a “no” to the request for miraculous healing of my brother’s body.
Naturally, praise and gratitude did not come easily in this situation. I wrestled through all the major life changes. I struggled for months with a heartbreaking “what-if” question. What if I hadn’t prayed for a daughter? Would that mean my brother lived? Did I somehow cause this?
In my limited, finite thinking, I belittled God’s beautiful, handcrafted work to a simple cause-and-effect scenario instead of trusting “His ways are higher.” I’ve walked long enough with the Lord to know He doesn’t punish me for questioning or chastise me for my human reasoning. I’ve journeyed far enough with Jesus to know He understands the mixed emotions of suffering. The Holy Spirit helps me to see the treasures hidden in the dark and live fully in the gray area where joy and sorrow coexist.
As time passes, gratitude and praise in this situation have slowly emerged. With each passing day, I unearth new treasures. Although his body was not healed, God answered our prayers two weeks before my brother’s death when he gave his life to Christ. His death sentence turned into resting in eternal bliss with our Father. While loss of life is always hard, loss of pain and suffering after taking a final breath is a blessing we must not forget.
Every day, I begin to see the bigger picture, and I thank God for a girl whose name means “Gift from God.” Even on the hard days.
Questions for Reflection:
Did you know questioning with reverence is a form of worship? What hard questions do you need to ask the Lord so He can bring peace to your tough circumstances?
When it is difficult to express gratitude, I find solace in reflecting on all the promises and mini miracles God has performed in my life. I keep a journal and record the ‘aha’ moments when God showed up through a stranger, devotion, or text from a friend. Can you recall a few memories of God’s promises coming to fruition in your life? I encourage you to journal or write in your Bible, so you have a weapon to use when trials arise.
Morning Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father, I give thanks to you in all things. I ask for your comfort and gentle guidance as I navigate unchartered waters. Bring peace to my soul in all circumstances. Help keep my mind focused on You alone, and may praise and gratitude always come first in my heart and thoughts. I know that You are good, even when trials arise. In Your Mighty Name, Amen.
This article was published as part of the Daily Daybreak Devotions on Crossmap.com.
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